It’s been a difficult week to sit down at the computer and write anything that would make sense.  The two words that keep replaying themselves in my mind are, “how” and “why”?

This past Monday, my husband and I heard the horrifying news that two little boys we knew (Duncan and Jack Leichtenberg) were killed in a murder-suicide with their father (Michael Connolly).  There was an Amber Alert issued for them in early March when their father did not return them after a weekend visit.

We have prayed for the past several weeks for the safe return of the boys.  We knew this family. They visited our church and we looked into the eyes of this father, who we felt, loved his boys very much.  My husband spent time with Mike, telling him about Jesus, and the love he had for him.  How?  How did he get to a place where he felt he had no other option?   It is a bone-chilling realization to have looked into the eyes of someone, who is capable of something so horrific.

There is a God and a mother who deeply loved the boys. The depravity of this world is something they tried to protect Jack and Duncan from.  The boy’s mother fought with all her might to protect them.  She did not fail them – our legal system did.

We drove three hours to attend the wake for these two little angels.  It was important to let Amy know she and the boys had been covered in prayer, and we were in anguish with her over her loss.  As hard as it was to be there, it was a loving tribute to the lives of the boys, and a mother who loved them deeply.

Why?  Why did this happen?  It is something I will ask God when I see him face-to-face. However, when I really think about it, the answer is not far away.

It only takes one lie, one moment of pride, or one moment of rage for us to be separated from God. If I am completely honest, deep within me, is a very dark place.  It is called sin.  Does God see my sin differently than Michael’s?  I think not.  There is no grading scale for sin.  God sent his son Jesus Christ to reconcile us to that dark place within, and bring His light into our hearts.  We need to invite him in and unlock the door to that place of darkness within.

I have searched my heart this week toward Michael, and I can only find deep sadness for a soul that was so tormented that he knew no other option.  I imagine God grieving for a lost son who only new darkness within.

Copyright © 2009 Sheri Mueller, Growthtrac Ministries