Many of us are familiar with the 5 Love Languages, what we might not know, though, are specific ways to show love. This list will help get your creative juices flowing, so you can be intentional in showing your wife/husband how much you really do love them.
10 Ways to Love Your Wife
1. Value her heart for the sacred treasure it is.
Every wife has a deep desire to be cherished—to be of supreme importance and value to her husband. If your wife’s friends were asked the question about you—Does he cherish his wife?—how would they respond? Is the answer obvious to them? What would your wife say? Does she feel cherished? To truly value her is to leave no doubt in anyone’s mind, especially hers. Remind yourself often that you’ve been entrusted with something beautiful, something sacred. Then communicate to her that you know it and that it matters to you.
2. Ask about her thoughts and dreams.
Initiating a conversation that has your woman as its focus tells her heart that she matters to you, that you see her as an important person with her own ideas and dreams. In this way, she’s no different from you. You want to be affirmed by being sought out as a person. So does she.
3. Buy her the best chocolate you can afford and keep her stash well-stocked!
At any given time, there might be approximately four married women on the planet who don’t like chocolate. For the rest of you who have chocolate-loving wives:
Step 1—Find out what kind of chocolate your wife likes. Light, dark, truffles . . . get specific intelligence. It’s important!
Step 2—Leave chocolates on her pillow, on the dresser, conspicuously in the laundry room, in her closet where she’s sure to find them, on her desk at work. It’s not really about the chocolate; it’s about saying “I’ve been thinking about how to delight you, about how to make you smile.”
4. Send her away…because you love her!
She needs to relax and recharge, so from time to time, send her somewhere away from the busy world you both inhabit. She’ll have so much more to give if you look after her needs in this way.
5. Let her know you see her strengths and unique gifts, and tell her you value them.
Your wife is a smart woman (she married you, after all, right?!). She could run a country. Build her up with positive words. “You were amazing when you . . .” “You are really good at . . .” “I’m really impressed with your ability to . . .” It’s as simple as offering praise openly, often, and sincerely.
6. Accept that she thinks differently from you.
A wise husband doesn’t want a “rubber stamp” wife who automatically validates everything he thinks and wants to do. She sees things differently and that is a very important benefit of her personality. Value it. Don’t minimize her unique perspective and intuition—it’s a God-given gift to help you make wiser decisions.
7. Never make negative comments or inferences or give disapproving vibes about your wife to anyone.
Don’t make the huge mistake of speaking negatively of your wife to others, and especially to extended family. As soon as everyone understands that the two of you are one single, unassailable entity, they’ll learn to respect her and she’ll love you for it. Trust me—it makes for a secure woman, and a secure woman is a happy wife.
8. Your anniversary matters, even if she says it isn’t important.
Just do yourself a favor and decide right now that you are going to make a big deal about your anniversary. You don’t have to do anything expensive or extravagant. Setting aside a day or even a few hours to celebrate (or two nights away if you can swing it) is simply the smart husband’s way of communicating value, love, and care. Noman ever regretted cherishing his wife by celebrating their anniversary.
9. Never mention today what was forgiven yesterday.
Even in the best marriages, disagreements come and, for most, arguments happen. But there’s a place you should never go when dealing with a difficulty in your relationship. If you’ve granted forgiveness for something, never speak of it again. It’s that simple. Oh, you’ll be tempted to bring up the past, but don’t do it. When we yield to our emotions and bring up something we’ve already forgiven, we prevent our relationship from progressing forward.
10. Make a decision to love.
Choose to love. Always choose love. Every day, this choice presents itself many times and in many ways. If you choose to make decisions that say “I love you” rather than “I love me,” then you are on your way to a great marriage. And one last thought. A great marriage isn’t today’s destination; it’s a lifelong journey of two spouses learning to love richly through all the seasons of their life together. Why not get started today?
10 Ways to Love Your Husband
1. Let the little things go.
Don’t hang on to small annoyances. So many marriages slowly deteriorate over the smallest, silliest things. He doesn’t take out the trash? He snores at night? He’s terrible about leaving the laundry on the floor? It’s not all that big of a deal. Just put it behind you and get on with loving him instead.
2. Work through the big things.
Take the time to talk through the big problems. Yes, it might mean some hard work and long hours, but it will be worth it. Don’t let the things that really matter go. It’s worth the effort to address them and deal with them. Otherwise, you’re left with a shallow and/or hurting relationship.
3. Look for little ways to delight him.
Be mindful of those small preferences of his. My husband likes his coffee cup warmed up before coffee is poured into it. He has a certain way he likes his T-shirts folded (yes, I’m serious). He likes it when we go to bed at the same time. They might be tiny details, but they say something big to him. What about your guy? What are the things that say
love to him?
4. Enjoy the man he is.
Don’t compare him to anyone else. There is little more destructive than hoping he’ll become like someone he isn’t—whether you say it aloud or think it silently in your head. Instead, make the most of his own unique qualities.
5. Speak well of him to others.
Never put him down or make a slight. Emphasize his strong points and all the many things you appreciate about him. Never let anyone doubt you’re his biggest fan. He’ll be grateful to you for this.
6. Be honest.
It’s important to speak the truth—in love—to him. Always. Don’t compromise with half-truths or little secrets. Speak straight and true, even when it is difficult to do.
7. Keep having fun together.
For the rest of your lives. A little bit of fun can go a long way in building a good marriage.
8. Show appreciation for the many things he does.
For both the big and the small things. Don’t take for granted all that he does for you and your home. And if it seems like he’s not doing enough? One of the best ways to encourage him to do even more is to be grateful for the stuff he is already doing.
9. Make his dreams your dreams.
Treasure them like your own. Ask him about what he hopes to do someday and let him know you believe in his dreams—and him. Plan out together the steps you can take to make those dreams come true.
10. Keep tenderness in your love.
Don’t let hardness or sharpness creep in to make it brittle. Protect your love from outside pressures and stresses that can spill over into your relationship with him.
The secret to a thriving marriage is making sure your spouse knows you love him or her. The ideas on this list are a great start!
Adapted from 100 Ways to Love Your Husband and 100 Ways to Love Your Wife, Copyright © 2019 Matt and Lisa Jacobson, published by Revell, used with permission, all rights reserved.