Things No One Tells You About Marriage

So, first you get engaged. Then it’s all fun and games while you’re surrounded by parties, showers, planning, and a big white dress. But what happens after the honeymoon ends? When all the hoopla dies down? Now you’re just a wife, living the newlywed life. Here’s the dish on what people don’t tell you.

Advice starts pouring in

Everyone around you thinks they’re a marriage expert. Anyone from your hairdresser to your cousin’s best friend’s dog walker will provide you with unsolicited advice on how to make sure your marriage is successful. Take all these tips with a grain of salt because, let’s face it, your marriage is YOUR marriage, not theirs. Even in our three months of marriage, I’ve learned I have to do what’s best for my husband and me, regardless of the advice that’s been given.

People have no shame asking about your sex life.

You’ll get the “So how was the honeymoon?” question, along with a wink-wink. Sorry, what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. This is not the Real Housewives; I don’t kiss and tell.

The baby questions start before the reception is over.

“So are y’all going to have kids soon? You should wait a while and enjoy yourself!” Oh, thank you, random stranger who asks this as if he just asked something as simple as what I ate for lunch. It’s the age-old story: When you’re dating, people want to know when you’re getting engaged. Then engaged to married. And now married to having kids.

Sure, we want kids. Just not yet. I want to enjoy this stage of life and the freedom that comes with it. But when it happens, we’ll be the happiest couple around.

Balancing friends and husband is more difficult than you’d think.

As the days go by, I realize how important it is to spend time with my husband. Not just sitting next to him on the couch, but real, intentional, involved time with him. At the same time, I miss my movie dates and girls nights with my friends. The balance is a very fine line, and I’m learning day to day it’s not easy. In the end, I know my husband comes first and everything else, second. Your real friends know that and understand. Even if the girls nights go from once a week to once a month, those nights become a little more special!

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 Time flies when you’re a newlywed.

I feel as if our wedding was just yesterday, and yet, almost three months have gone by. Cherish each day with your husband. Make time for each other and don’t let the days slip away. Before I know it, it’s going to be our one-year anniversary, so I want to make sure we make the most of this year!

Take time for you.

Although spending time with your partner is important, you’ve gotta have “you” time, too. Find something you like to do on your own. Create a quiet space in your house for you to enjoy. Trust me, your husband will thank you when you’re refreshed and energized. And he needs to do the same! Your marriage will thank you – when you ARE together, that time will be so much sweeter.

 Despite everyone telling you the first year is the hardest, it’ll be the best time yet.

Learning to live with someone and figuring out all their quirks and habits is tough, but I wouldn’t trade this time for anything. We’ve been together for more than three years, but these first few months of marriage have been special. I feel as though we’re back in the early stages of dating when everything is new and exciting. I wait impatiently for him to get home from work. I look at him and get butterflies, because this man is my husband, and I get to be his wife. It’s a crazy, wonderful feeling.

I’m clearly no marriage expert (hello – three months in!). But every day I’m growing and learning, and every day I’m growing to love my husband more. I think I like this newlywed stage!

Used with permission of Rachel Walker. For more blog posts from Rachel, check out her website,