When Times Are Tough

Fake Orgasms …

Both men and women are guilty of this sexual misstep. A study done by the University of Central Lancashire and University of Leeds scientists Gayle Brewer and Colin Hendrie found that 80% of women surveyed have faked an orgasm or exaggerated sex noises for the benefit of their partner. But, why?

There are many reasons why someone might fake an orgasm. Some men fake it because they’re too embarrassed, tired, or stressed out to have a real orgasm. Women may put on a fake-it-show due to discomfort, time limitations, lack of foreplay or bad sex. Physical intimacy issues and lack of communication may also be to blame.

You may think you’re letting your spouse off the hook when you fake an orgasm but the truth is, you’re doing more harm than good. Here are seven ways you’re damaging your marriage by faking your sexual enjoyment.

Why does faking orgasms hurt your marriage?

Faking Orgasms Breaks Trust

It may not seem like it at first, but faking it with your spouse is actually a form of lying to them – a pretty big lie, actually.

There are certain circumstances for faking it that are more forgivable than others. For example, if you exaggerate your moans of ecstasy for the purpose of exciting yourself or your partner – go for it! But, if you’re outright lying about the levels of sexual pleasure you’re not experiencing, you might have a more serious problem with honesty and vulnerability..

▸ Do you have a sex addiction? Take the Sex Addiction Quiz

By faking it, you’re creating intimacy barriers in your relationship. Not only is this a giant blow to your spouse’s self-esteem, but they’ll constantly be questioning whether or not your orgasms are real in the future.

By faking it, you’re creating intimacy barriers in your relationship.

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Your Partner Will Be Crushed if they Find Out

If your partner finds out that you’ve been faking your mind-blowing O’s, they’ll probably have a complex about sex for a long time.

Frequently faking an orgasm with your partner conveys the message that your sex life isn’t worth improving upon. It creates the potential for a sexual addiction problem and serves as a slap in the face to your partner’s ability to please you between the sheets. That’s not the nicest thing to hear from your loving spouse, is it?

A Fake Orgasm Encourages Unsatisfying Sex

If you asked for a show of hands of who wants to have an unsatisfying sex life, the room would go deathly silent. That’s because couples want to enjoy sex for the physical pleasure as well as the emotional and spiritual connection it brings.

When couples lie during sex they are setting themselves up for unpleasureable sex in the future. For the spouse who isn’t having an orgasm, this can make sex seem less exciting and more like a chore.

It’s a Difficult Habit to Break

Creating physical intimacy issues in your relationship by faking it can be a surprisingly difficult habit to break. Why? Because it creates a cycle of dishonesty!

Faking an Orgasm can be a surprisingly difficult habit to break.Let’s say you have a fake-O the first time you have sex with your partner. Maybe it was too awkward or didn’t last long enough for you to climax. Understandable! But, now you’ve created the precedent of orgasming. The next time you have sex with your partner they will be expecting that what worked last time will work next time.

This can be especially difficult for women who have been faking it for years and are now trying to correct the situation without coming clean. In your eyes, you’re doing the right thing and helping your partner figure your body out.

But, your partner is now left wondering why your orgasms disappeared or why they are taking so much longer to achieve.

Reveals Poor Communication Skills

For whatever reason, studies show that couples are simply not willing to talk about sex the same way they would talk about other conflicts such as children or money matters. This lack of communication can lead to a deeply unsatisfying sex life.

Couples should be able to talk about sex. This is essential to having a happy, satisfying marriage both in and outside of the bedroom.Click To Tweet

Why? Because research shows that sexual satisfaction is significantly associated with marital satisfaction. When the sex gets better, so does the relationship.

Instead of putting on an unnecessary show, couples should talk openly about their turn-ons, turn-offs, and overall needs sexually.  However, the best place to have this conversation is outside the bedroom with your clothes on. There is a greater opportunity to remain level-headed.

It Builds Unnecessary Pressure

Now that one person has gotten into the habit of faking an orgasm, they’ve put a ridiculous amount of pressure on themselves to “perform” during sex.

Sex should be enjoyable. It should be a pleasurable experience that connects partners on an emotional, spiritual, and physical level. It should not be a theatrical event.

Sex Will Not Get Better

Creating physical intimacy issues in a relationship is not the way to grow into a happy, healthy marriage. In fact, it does just the opposite. It might leave the window open for a sexual addiction problem for the one faking orgasm.  Dr. Patrick Carnes, in Facing the Shadows states, “Addiction is an illness of escape.  Its goal is to obliterate, medicate, or ignore reality”.  He recommends the following:

  1. First, list what you think your problems are.
  2. Second, as you review these problems, notice what secrets you have.
  3. Finally, ask yourself what excuses or rationales you use for your sexual behavior.

When you fake an orgasm, you are breaking the bond of openness and transparency (no more hiding) that God intends for marriage. Instead of banking on the great big lie of  “no one will know but me”, communicate with your partner about your needs in the bedroom. Both you and your spouse will be happy you did.

Author Bio:  Rachael Pace is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships

Copyright (c) 2018 Rachael Pace, used with permission