Laurie Hall, author of An Affair of the Mind, talks candidly about her feelings of failure, shame and worthlessness after discovering her husband was hooked on pornography. Just before her 20th wedding anniversary, she had to go in for an AIDS test because of her husband’s promiscuity.

Hall describes pornography as an endorphin “drug” addiction that many in the church don’t understand. Her advice for wives: Listen to your intuition.

Establish and honor your personal boundaries.

Develop a good support system — friends who will pray for you and support you no matter what.

Resolve any related issues from your own past.

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Understand the progressive nature of pornographic involvement.

If possible, stay in your marriage, but separate if necessary to protect yourself and your children.

Separate myth from reality when it comes to forgiveness.Other tips for dealing with your spouse’s pornography addiction:

Pray for your mate.

Decide what you will — and won’t — do in response to your spouse’s pornography addiction.

Don’t give up if your spouse denies there’s a problem or refuses to get help.

Don’t let your addicted spouse blame you. Ask a godly man (or woman if your wife is addicted) to help you confront your spouse, if necessary. Let that godly person be the one to keep your spouse accountable as he or she begins the process of recovering from pornography addiction.

Request a list of godly, professional counselors in your area.Remember, there is hope.

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Copyright © 2004 by David Sanford

David Sanford is president of Sanford Communications, Inc., and author of the Living Faith Bible.