We offer the following communication from several husbands and wives who have “brought up” some things they have yet to tell their spouses. Perhaps their willingness to be honest will encourage you to do the same.

First, wives were asked to complete this sentence, “In regards to sex, if I could, I would tell my husband to stop. . .”

      1. wanting sex every night.
      2. turning me down when I want sex.
      3. talking about sex and just love me.
      4. thinking I want sex all the time.
      5. overworking, and using all your energy before you get to me.
      6. getting up after sex and leaving me alone in the bedroom.
      7. criticizing me and my ability to satisfy him.
      8. asking me to “do it” in the when the kids are around.
      9. being so rough.
      10. looking at pornography.
      11. wanting to “play” at 10:30 at night when I’m exhausted.
      12. trying to change me.
      13. wanting sex in the morning before I’m ready to get up.
      14. womanizing and committing adultery.
      15. going to sleep so quickly.
      16. expecting things I don’t want to do.
      17. waiting until bedtime to recognize I’m a beautiful, desirable woman.
      18. making sex my job, instead of a romantic connection.
      19. treating me with harshness and anger when I say no.
      20. making me play fantasy games and making up stories.

The wives were also asked to complete this sentence, “I would tell my husband to start…”

  1. allowing me to say no when I don’t want to have sex.
  2. caressing me because he loves me, not as a precursor to sex.
  3. treating me special, not like a porn queen.
  4. cuddling more.
  5. initiating more sex.
  6. giving more compliments and nonsexual affection.
  7. be more loving and affectionate on the days he doesn’t want sex.
  8. hugging and talking more.
  9. giving more time for hugs and kisses leading up to sex.
  10. coming to bed earlier.
  11. spending time to make me feel like it’s me he wants.
  12. working harder on fresh breath and a cleaner body.
  13. treating me like a human with feelings.
  14. remembering what I like and don’t like.
  15. don’t be in such a hurry.
  16. taking care of his body, eating right.
  17. being more aggressive and romantic.
  18. telling me he loves me, rather than assuming I know it.
  19. talking to me and showing an interest in what I think is important.
  20. holding me, kissing me, touching me without worrying about whether he will be able to reach orgasm or not.


While the women were very willing to share their thoughts, the men were a bit less eager to do the same. Regardless of the inhibited and abbreviated nature of their answers, the men responded by completing the same sentences. “If I could, I’d tell my wife to stop…”

While the women were very willing to share their thoughts, the men were a bit less eager to do the same. Regardless of the inhibited and abbreviated nature of their answers, the men responded by completing the same sentences.

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“If I could, I’d tell my wife to stop…”

  1. worrying about other people in the house.
  2. getting up and leaving me all alone afterward.
  3. punishing me.
  4. thinking of our sexual relationship as a job.
  5. talking herself out of the mood.
  6. taking me for granted.
  7. I don’t tell her to stop!
  8. always being tired.
  9. saying “no” so much.
  10. being so busy.
  11. procrastinating about her physical problems.
  12. being shy about her body.
  13. being so closed-minded about various sexual activities.
  14. falling asleep.
  15. just thinking it’s a responsibility.
  16. feeling that it’s a bad thing.
  17. thinking or talking about other things during sex.
  18. being stressed.

“I would tell my wife to start…”

  1. being more aggressive [this was the most common comment].
  2. initiating the lovemaking. I need to know she wants me.
  3. being in a better mood.
  4. enjoying sex.
  5. being more spontaneous [also a very common comment].
  6. being more playful and having a good time.
  7. telling what she wants and what she enjoys.
  8. losing weight.
  9. focusing on my needs and feelings more.
  10. taking more of an interest in our sexual relationship.
  11. making more time for us; put “us” on her priority list.
  12. getting her sex drive back.
  13. showing more affection to me.
  14. kissing me more.
  15. becoming more of a participant.
  16. making time for us instead of centering on everyone else.
  17. initiating lovemaking because she wants to be with me.
  18. to do anything!

Perhaps as you perused these very candid statements, one of them sounded a tone of familiarity in your heart. If so, we encourage you to prayerfully seek an opportunity to discuss it with your mate. Communication will indeed contribute to the joy of being both connected and co-naked.

Excerpt from Hot Topics for Couples, by Steve and Annie Chapman.

Copyright © 2010 by Steve and Annie Chapman, published by Harvest House, used with permission. All rights reserved.