Words (kind or unkind) have a tremendous impact on the emotional temperature of our marriages. Your wife wants to know what you think, but she especially wants to know what you think of her.
- Do you value her?
- Care how she feels?
- Respect her?
- Honor her?
- Feel close to her?
- Need her?
As husbands, we can think and feel all these things deeply and still never say them, never tell her how we feel about her. And there are the other voices that will never be silent—the voice inside your wife’s head, the voice speaking from every clothing ad, the voice calling from every corner of society, telling her,
- “You’re not good enough.”
- “You don’t measure up.”
- “You’re too much this.”
- “You’re not enough of that.”
They’re convincing voices that tear her down and diminish her.
But your voice is powerful too and far more important to your wife’s heart than anything this world has to say. That’s why it’s important for you to use your power to speak affirming words into your wife’s heart today, tomorrow, and every day God gives you together.
1. You give a lot, and I deeply appreciate how much you give.
Virtually every wife and mother feels like she is constantly meeting the needs of others. Your wife feels like she is constantly meeting the needs of others because she is, especially if there are young kids in the house. And she’s always there for you too . . . giving.
Genuinely showing appreciation for her through sincere words is a powerful way a wise husband ensures that as she is pouring out, she doesn’t begin to feel empty. Gratitude is so powerful, but it’s only meaningful when it’s expressed. By themselves, your deep feelings of gratitude for your wife do not mean all that much. Don’t let this day pass before you let her know.
2. You are beautiful.
The message the world constantly offers up to your wife is exactly the opposite:
● “You’re not beautiful.” “
● You’re not very smart.”
● “You don’t accomplish much.”
● “You don’t have much value.”
And it’s hard for her not to believe those relentless messages. That’s why she needs to hear from you regularly onthe topic—and not with some flippant, offhand, throw-away comment, but a message that comes straight from your heart.
3. Yes, I fantasize all the time . . .about you!
She knows you are tempted. She knows you get “offers” of various kinds. She is all too aware of this sex-soaked, filth-saturated world you both inhabit. And she wonders, What is he feeling? What is he thinking? What is his thought life like? Does he fantasize about sex?
First of all, there is no room—absolutely no room—for anything but total faithfulness to your wife. Anything less than total faithfulness is unfaithfulness. For those who might wonder whether a given activity (with the body or the mind) is being unfaithful, just ask yourself, “If my wife discovered me doing this by chance, would I feel ashamed?”
Would she feel honored? Got your answer?
Let your imagination go because there’s nothing wrong with thinking about sex . . . with your wife. Tell her (1) she is the only focus of your sexual interest. . . you think about her all the time and (2) she is the only outlet for your sexual passion.
4. I’ve learned a lot from you.
It takes a humble man to admit that he has a lot to learn. It also takes a smart man to recognize—and acknowledge—that he has learned a lot from his wife, this most amazing
gift God gave you to complete you and make you better in every way. Let’s be real—her wise advice has kept you out of a whole lot of trouble, hasn’t it? (At least the times you
listened to her!)
And, finally, it takes a good man to make sure he has communicated to his wife how much he has learned and continues to learn from her. Being honest with your wife in this way is a deep blessing to her.
5. I like spending time with you.
Every one of us wishes for people to want to hang out with us—and for no other reason than they just like to be with us. Every one of us wants to be wanted. Your wife is no different. She doesn’t want you to “fulfill your duty” and spend an hour with her doing errands because you feel obligated. She wants to know that you enjoy her company.
Smile with your eyes and tell your wife, “I like spending time with you!” Then ask her if she is free on Saturday afternoon (or whenever) for a couple of hours to go out for coffee, lunch, or dinner; go for a walk in the park; go to the art museum; go on a bike ride; scuba dive down to the shark cage to see great white sharks up close (okay, maybe not that one but you get the idea!). Say it, then prove it. It’s so simple and it means so much to her heart.
These words are a great start to speaking the truths into your wife’s heart that she longs to hear. Being intentional about this will make a difference in her life and in yours!
Adapted from 100 Word of Affirmation Your Wife Needs to Hear, Copyright © 2019 Matt Jacobson, published by Revell, used with permission, all rights reserved.
