One of the central teachings of our ministry has always been, “Fellowship is equal to freedom from lust.” If loneliness is the main emotion driving sexual sin and addiction, finding fellowship is the main recovery antidote. Over and over again, we see that those men and women who find freedom and constant sobriety are those who find or develop and submit themselves to groups of people dealing with similar issues.

For all of you spouses, we might also say that fellowship is equal to freedom from anxiety, pain, and anger. The feeling of loneliness, rejection, and despair has been what has driven your inability to cope with the sexual sins of your spouse. Fellowship and support of others who know those feelings is a key to our serenity.

We are not talking about just any fellowship. Most churches provide some form of groups, Bible studies, or organizations. These are good for the purposes they are built around, but not that effective for you if they don’t specifically address your feelings. Fellowship must be intimate. Intimacy means that you are willing to be vulnerable, to tell your story regardless of the fears you will have about rejection. Intimacy happens when everyone in the group really knows you and what you struggle with.

One of the core beliefs of addicts and spouses is that, “If you knew me, you would hate me.” Satan uses that belief to keep us silent and isolated. We tend to think, “No one would understand. They would be freaked out by my story. They would not want to have anything more to do with me.”

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Over and over again we have found that when people take the risk to get honest and to reach out for support and help, God is faithful and will provide or introduce us to those people. Sometimes they might be those whom we least expected. Many times we get into self-pity, thinking that no one would understand or that no one else has experienced the feelings or behaviors that we have. We might even be angry that there is no one out there to really help me. We encourage you to continue to take risks. My belief is that every time I have taken the risk to be honest about my story, it is always led to deeper fellowship with others. There are millions of people in this world who are looking for brothers and sisters who understand.

In our pride, if we think that we can do it alone, the temptations that come against us will pick us off very quickly. We are living in a sexually saturated culture. The world has many incorrect lessons about sexuality to teach. It is essential for all of us who believe in God’s design for healthy sexuality to stand together. In whatever ways we can encourage you to find fellowship, we would love to do it.

Copyright © 2006 Dr. Mark Laaser, used with permission. Read more at

Porn Addiction Destroys Marriage | Restoring What's Been Lost