couple love

Ladies…Sex Doesn’t Need to be a “Job”
Countless women across the world feel as if sex is more like a job and less of a special bonding time. When sex feels like a requirement or an expectation, the desire to be intimate can quickly dwindle away. Not only can it feel like a job, the ongoing pressures and the mental “to-do” list overtake the mind and become a prominent thought. Even further, a woman experiences sex as a hassle, avoids the topic at all cost, is self conscious of her body, and/or dislikes the sexual act itself. Does this sound familiar?

The physical bond of intimacy is the rawest form of feeling attached and connected for couples. But what happens to relationships when sex feels like a job? This job-like view of sex eliminates the special connection, it prevents women from enjoying the experience, and it builds distance between two people. Good news, sex doesn’t have to be a job!


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Here are a few things you can do to make sex less of a job.

  1. From “have to” to “want to:” Jobs have requirements, expectations, and deadlines. Sex shouldn’t be a job, nor should it have the pressures of having to perform a specific way. Change your thoughts from “having to” to “wanting to.”
  2. De-stress … (with Sex): According to Laura Berman, Ph.D., she states, “When a woman is stressed, the hormonal changes in her body trigger a chemical reaction causing sex hormone – binding globulin to bind with testosterone cells, so they’re unavailable for libido and sexual response.” Let’s face it, many women face stress daily and it can get in the way. Take time to de-stress and unwind. Re-energize yourself by getting involved in daily activities you enjoy, take a nap, or go to the gym. Even better, try stepping out of the box and use sex to de-stress! “But when you have sex, you release feel-good hormones, including oxytocin and endorphins,” says James Coan, Ph.D.
  3. Mental Stimulation: Women aren’t known for having sex on their mind all the time. Men are known for being more aroused with imagery. Researcher Andrey P. Anokhin states that, “Women have responses as strong as those seen in men.” Shift your thoughts from it being a “job,” and imagine the excitement, the romance, and the sweet-spots of sex.
  4. Play: Sex doesn’t have to be monotonous. Try adding in toys, foreplay, touching, and playfulness. Don’t be afraid to try new things and be creative in the bedroom.
  5. Communicate: Couples build strong bonds through communication and creating a safe/secure emotional attachment. Communicate your needs, fears, and desires to your partner. Share with your partner what you may need from them to help you redefine sex as fun and less of a job. .
  6. Quit the job: If you don’t like sex being a job, there is a simple fix … Quit the Job and make it a hobby.

By Jennine Estes, MFT. Copyright © 2010 Jennine Estes, used with permission. All rights reserved.

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