People ask me, “What is it you are seeking to do at the conference and in your resources?” I reply, “I am answering 3 basic questions.” This article is not answering these questions but letting you know what the 3 central questions are.

Three major questions are addressed in the Love and Respect Message.

One, why do we negatively react to each other?

Two, how can we energize our spouse to respond more positively?

And, three, what can we do when our spouse continues to be negative while we are trying to be loving and respectful? Will God help?

Both men and women are responding to the answers to these 3 questions.

Sarah Eggerichs would like to subtitle the Love and Respect Marriage Conference, “The conference men want to attend.”

Emerson and Sarah believe this is a fair and balanced approach for both husbands and wives. We believe this reflects the essence of what the Bible teaches about marriage.

I, Emerson, had the privilege of studying the Bible for 30 hours a week for nearly 20 years as the senior pastor of a large church. I also have an M.A. in Communications and a Ph.D. in Child and Family Ecology. What I discovered in Scripture and science is very encouraging.

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We address three main concerns in our marriage conference.

Each of these points are called a cycle.

1. The Crazy Cycle! When suddenly the issue isn’t the issue, what is the issue? We reveal what you and your spouse really mean when you negatively react. A wife wears pink sunglasses and a husband wears blue sunglasses. God made them male and female. This colors what each sees and explains the negative reactions.

2. The Energizing Cycle! How is your spouse best motivated or energized God’s Way? Knowing another’s deepest need is the key to motivating that person. Because God made us male and female, He has revealed a powerful truth about what best motivates a husband and wife.

3. The Rewarded Cycle! What unexpected rewards come to a person who acts on Ephesians 5:33?

Five real benefits come to that spouse who understands why there are negative reactions and grasps how to energize the marriage God’s way – even when a spouse is less responsive. We believe God is there. We believe He intervenes. We do not believe God is silent or indifferent. According to Christ “Abba Father” is real. He intends to help us. Paul continues in Ephesians 6 “whatever good thing each one does, this he will receive back from the Lord” (6:8). We explain what those good things are that a person receives.


1. When the conflict is serious, why do you or your spouse negatively react in your marriage?

2. How do you try to energize or influence your spouse to respond more positively?

3. What do you do when your spouse continues to be negative while you are trying to be loving or respectful?

Copyright © 2006 Love and Respect Ministries Inc Emerson E. Eggerichs Ph.D.