We were on a trip with another family who were good friends. The other couple was so sweet to one another in both their affection and their words. Mark and I noticed we really didn’t interact that way. We tended to be more direct with one another, and we wondered if there was something wrong with us. We wished we communicated a little more like them

Soon thereafter, we were shocked when the wife filed for divorce. The husband said he was equally stunned. During the divorce proceedings the judge asked her the reason for her decision. She attempted to justify her actions by saying, “I’m just not happy.” While they were sweet and affectionate with one another in public, they clearly weren’t talking in private. Somewhere the pursuit of continually getting to know one another had stopped. They became disconnected.

Good conversations lead to connection and intimacy. The best way to facilitate a good conversation is to ask great questions. Whether you feel like you know your husband well or not, the questions below will be helpful. The woman who becomes an expert in the art of asking questions is the woman who will win her husband’s heart. Ask your husband these ten questions every year (or more often, if you’d like).

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The woman who becomes an expert in the art of asking questions is the woman who will win her husband’s heart.

  1. What are you enjoying most about our relationship right now? Talking about what is going right will create optimism and renew energy. Tell him what you enjoy most about him.
  1. What has been your biggest surprise in the last year? This is a great way to gain insight into his expectations and the things he considers most important.
  1. Where would you like our relationship to be this time next year? It doesn’t matter where you are, there’s always room to be better. He might say, “I’d like to see more spontaneous intimacy,” or, “I want us to be moving forward together in our faith.” He could say, “I want our relationship to involve more fun!”
  1. How are you feeling about life in general? Never assume you know how your husband is feeling. He may look okay on the surface but be overwhelmed underneath. Don’t just listen to what he says, but be sure to read between the lines as well.
  1. What are your dreams for our future? If you want to know what gets him up in the mornings and what gives him hope, it’s going to be this one. Find out his highest hopes for your future together. Give him the time to paint the picture for you.
  1. If you could go anywhere, where would you go? Encourage him to fantasize about his ideal vacation. Get excited and dream with him. Maybe someday you can surprise him and make it a reality.
  1. How do you think we’re doing financially? This needs to be an ongoing conversation. Just like a board of directors of a business meets annually to evaluate the finances and the plan for the coming year, a husband and wife should do the same.
  1. What do you want to do this year to improve our health? Being in shape and eating well give you more energy in everyday life. Encourage one another to exercise. It is a great activity to do together. Explore creative cooking and focus on food that makes you feel good.
  1. What is one thing you would change about how our family relates to one another? This is one to brainstorm together. Set a vision of what a healthy family looks like, then model it. A few examples could be less TV, more constructive communication with less yelling, getting time away together, or eating dinner together more.
  1. What is one thing I give my time to that you think would be better spent somewhere else? You need to know where he wants your time. This will give him an open door to ask for it. It’s an opportunity to see what he thinks is important.

Copyright © 2017 Mark Merrill and Susan Merrill. Taken from Lists to Love By for Busy Wives Used with permission of FaithWords faithwords.com, a division of Hachette Book Group.  To order the books, visit liststoloveby.com. For more relational resources, visit markmerrill.com and susanme.com.

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